| Best When Used And I imagine kissing you pressed up against a car wetting our clothes with the residue of rain. A humidity, a heaviness tries to suck my air out so I steal some breath from you. And there are no clouds out to hide behind. But I wake up and I walk outside to find that it's dry and hot. I guess I didn't come far enough; I guess I didn't sleep long enough. I know if I stretch out like this and am not doing, scrubbing, screaming, I will fall asleep and die or dream. And my mind is telling me to wake up to wake to wake up but you won't tell me yourself. I've only ever learned through repetition I don't know any other way and I don't think anyone else does either. My mind says wake up and I do and I am driving and am at my worst. I have my oldest friend with me, my most loyal sacred silent friend. Others have taxi cabs for one night stands but I have you. You always let me cry and I am never ashamed. I used up all my dreams chasing after things that never wanted anyone, so I don't know why they'd want me except to press up against a car. I used up all my nights on meaningless dreams or dreamless sleep and I finally dream something that means something and you get it right and you understand my confusion. I want to kiss everyone when I am scared because I am afraid of what I do not know. I don't know how to be happy. I just know how to be used. And you told me I was best when used so I suppose that I am always at my best because someone's always being used. |