| Again I don't know my ceiling too well 6:16 I try to sleep and decide maybe air will help. I leave the blinds open so I can be sure there is actually a world outside of mine, but once I lay back down my eyeballs feel peeled open and my eyelashes feel shaved off. My ears won't stop ringing and all I can think about are the cars vrooming by sporadically, brimming with comman man on his way to manual labor. My mind has been making the leaves rustle again and over again I'm manic again. My heart races and nothing I do will slow it's pulse, and it makes me always silent and hot, never sweating, only hissing, baking, I feel my heartbeat in my tongue. I'm so afraid of a face smashing into my window, pounding the plastic pane with a palm, and falling backwards to supine death. so afraid that I'll see it, I can't go near the window to close the blinds, I can't shut out the layman and the navy velvet night time. I'm so afraid anxious nervous raw. Manic again. I saw a commercial about this. Manic like the song I heard at the golf course when I didn't know the words, the golfcourse with you. I sang along anyways, I'm just like my father, silently cracking up. He always was manic, I'm only manic now. Help me, make my ears stop ringing. I thought I was her, I cannot tell apart our hands any longer. 6:16 again why is my clock moving backwards? |